All she did was smile. I promised I wouldn’t but then, it was just so much. She said, “I’ll make out with you but, that’s it.” I didn’t think it’d be as fun as it was in the moment. When I pushed past her blue jeans she didn’t try and stop me. She just said “I can’t,’ I said ‘I’m not asking, I wont.”
This is a girl I’d wait outside her house for. I’d stalker it out, for a drunken night. She’s that much fun. I’d ruin my reputation, because I know, and it’d be worth it. She knows it too but this vibe is not her norm. With the boys yes, it’s easy. She can come when she wants. She can sound it out like practicing the vowel sounds of a foreign language. She’s equip, and she’s scared but it's because she met her match. This isn’t a diary of conquest. I haven’t won, but I’m not done.
This isn’t real life:
She kissed me. There wasn’t a joke in the connection, but there wasn’t a promise. It was a dim lit bathroom, not the best circumstances but a place to picture none the less. I didn’t want her to remember the toilet paper dispenser against her ass so I moved her to the door. She knows how I write, what I remember. She’s imagined where my hands would pass, she knows the ferocity, she thinks I’m smart. She doesn’t know me, not what I really want. The door is cold. The bar is loud. Her stomach is warm against my palm. We’re explosive, if there was something threatening in me it’d be growing against her now, and it is. I ask her if they’re sensitive, I only want to make her feel all I can and give where it counts. I want her in my mouth. I kiss her mouth instead, and move her to the corner of the little room. Ass in one hand thigh then lips in another I promise not to go further. She pushes and pulls against me and the wall. We pause and discuss our boundaries again. All I feel from her is a need and want against all she’s confessing. Push my finger inside her but I don’t want to make her come this way. Not this way and not now, but soon enough and one day. I lick my finger and kiss her again. Then back to the table. Back to the bar. Back to reality and my real life, not where I find me, not where I fuck her and it be the end. That’s not the end she sees, and that’s where you wont find me. You wont find me in the tiny details. You wont find me thinking about this later. She wont find me in her thoughts later tonight. It never happened, I just wish it did, that's all.
